The Trevor Project 866-488-7386
Trans Lifeline 877-565-8860

The Trevor Project

Trans Lifeline

Being an Ally


An ally is someone who does not identify as a “member” of the LGBTQ+ community. Allies love someone in that community, and/or they are someone who speaks up for equality.  To be an ally is to be brave and to be willing to speak up in situations which feel uncomfortable.  No one ever wants an ally to place themselves in danger.  Allies can often have difficult conversations that would be too traumatic for the LGBTQ+ individual. We are so grateful to our allies. 

Examples of hard conversations and possible responses:

People say “We support whatever lifestyle your daughter chooses.”

We say… gently but directly… “She doesn’t have a lifestyle. She has a life. A good one with someone she loves, and we are delighted.”
(Hint: Don’t argue. Just repeat or say these again in a similar way- firmly and sincerely.)

People say, “We love the sinner and hate the sin.” 

We say, “We know some people think that being  LGBTQ+ is a sin, but we don’t.”

People say, “Do you think being gay or transgender is biological?” 

We say, “We don’t know, and we don’t care. We are glad to have so many wonderful people in our lives. They are the people to whom we go for unconditional love.”

People say, “That’s so gay.” 

We say, “I am not clear what you mean. Can you explain?” We say, “People I care about are gay. I am not okay with your using the word this way.” We can say, “It sounds like you must mean something else. Can you think of a better word?”

People say, “I’m not comfortable with LGBTQ+ people.” 

We say, “That’s too bad. We find them to be accepting of others. We have learned about unconditional love from our LGBTQ+ friends and family members.” 

People say, “I am okay with LGBTQ+ people if they don’t flaunt it. Why do they have to throw it in our face?” 

We say, “We believe all people should have the same rights, and all people should be respectful of others no matter what their orientation or identity.”

People say, “I think being gay is gross and disgusting.” 

We say, “People are often uncomfortable about sexuality. This is private behavior and that is true no matter one’s orientation. It is none of our business.”

People say in a rude way trying to be funny or confront us, “Aren’t you afraid if you hang out with these people, you will turn into one?” 

We can say, “I know so many wonderful people within this community.  I would be happy to be one of them if that was how I identified.  I don’t, and you can’t “catch” being LGBTQ+.  You might want to educate yourself more before you make statements like this one.  

People say, “ it seems like everyone is trans or queer or nonbinary these days.  It is just a fad.

We say, “People in the LGBTQ+ community have spent much of their lives being unable to be who they are because of fear. I am thrilled that they are finally feeling safer to be who they are and to be proud of that.  It only seems like a fad because people can finally be honest about themselves.  

People say, “gender is based on the anatomy that you are born with.  Your assigned sex at birth is your gender.  It is simple.”

We say, I have a wonderful video for you to watch that will educate you about sex and gender.  Before you say this statement again, watch The Science of Gender by Linden Jordan

Browse by Page
Accessibility Accessibility Options
Connect on Social Media

We are committed to continuously improving access to our goods and services by individuals with disabilities.
If you are unable to use any aspect of this website because of a disability, please call us and we will provide you with prompt personalized assistance.

If you have trouble seeing web pages, the US Social Security Administration offers these tips for optimizing your computer and browser to improve your online experience.

If you are looking for mouse and keyboard alternatives, speech recognition software such as Dragon Naturally Speaking may help you navigate web pages and online services. This software allows the user to move focus around a web page or application screen through voice controls.

If you are deaf or hard of hearing, there are several accessibility features available to you.

Closed Captioning
Closed captioning provides a transcript for the audio track of a video presentation that is synchronized with the video and audio tracks. Captions are generally visually displayed over the video, which benefits people who are deaf and hard of hearing, and anyone who cannot hear the audio due to noisy environments. Most of our website’s video content includes automated captions. Learn how to turn captioning on and off in YouTube.

Volume Controls
Your computer, tablet, or mobile device has volume control features. Each video and audio service has its own additional volume controls. Try adjusting both your device’s volume controls and your media players’ volume controls to optimize your listening experience.


Search the Website

Use keywords in the search box below to find what you're looking for.